Took this pic at a friends wedding.. decided to add something =\
def.{Of no consequence, effect, or value; insignificant.}
Took this pic at a friends wedding.. decided to add something =\
I’m not sure when it happened or how.. but suddenly my social life has been suspiciously active. I say suspicious because, me being me, I know me, and If I was not me, meeting me and then spending time with me, I know that me that is not me would more than likely strangle me that is me simply because I would only be able to handle me that is not me in small doses. Or maybe that’s just me.
Me that is me finds all this activity puzzling, has the wedding union made us more acceptable to the married sect?
Is there a secret handshake? I don’t know it yet.teach me!
Is there a new layer of social activity the moment you have your first child? [NOT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON! ] with a better secret handshake and innocuous fist bumping and calling each other “BRO” [Not the cool way. The douche way]
And when you have your second child..oh wait .. no one cares about the second child [skip]
When you get your first SUV people carrier for the whole entire 1 new human, does that provide the entry way into the land of strange accents and weird “key” parties [not the seventies kind, the kind where you show off how many cool mcgyver like gadgets your car key has ]
“look im gonna summon the devil with this here little button!”
You get the gist
With each new social “elevation” do you drag the old sect members with you? Or do you find yourself becoming the leader of your own sect and becoming an evil crime lord .. or a dad like figure where you have the solutions to people’s problems [for the small price of their unborn child]
It might sound all doom and douche but I’m pretty sure I can design a flow chart to avoid some of the pitfalls of douchedom… or take cues from the epic board game snakes and ladders which mimics life in the most wonderfull of ways.
At this point the me that is not me would strangle me that is me.
”Seriously? This is the nonsense that goes through your head!?” - Me that is not me
After you get married the bride usually cuts off the long flowing locks that they’ve spent months growing.. so why not the groom ?
I was thinking of perhaps going that route and shaving my head completely….
Avid readers (all 3 of you) will know that I have some photoshop skill hidden in my skill palace.
Using a that skill , I did a lazy unclean work of it, to get the general idea… =\ of how I would look.
Do I, don’t I
=\ =/ =| 0_O
so, as a newly wed there are certain things that are now expected. Share toothbrush, bathing together, wear each others undies and ofcourse dressing the same.
While I might agree to the first three of these activities, the fourth is a definitive no no. So due to my vehement denial in participating in the dress-alike part of this little romcom the tracksuit bet was born.
The Rules:
1> obtain his hers matching set of Adidas tracksuits
2> get me and my wife to wear this abomination
3> Take a picture.
bylaw.1: I need not be conscious and drugging me is an option.
bylaw2:photographic evidence of the attempt must be available. No photoshop nonsense.
timeframe: must be done before the day of our first wedding anniversary. 23h59h59 on december the 2
Victory means: I can and will have the last laugh with the other parties in this bet and they will be at my bek and call for a day.
Failure Means: I'll have an embarrising picture in a matching tracksuit with my wife . ech vomit vomit.
Great, its 2012.
Everyone has had time to pretend to reflect post drunken stupor on the year that was.
Everyone has had time to pretend to make resolutions that they “will make sure happens this year!”
Everyone has had time to be joy-full and happy and worry about what they going to eat later in this month
By everyone I mean people that I know.
So whats happens now? if you go with the crazy mayan interpreters then that was the last new year we gonna see .. or is it?
Wife asked me a question during the drive to work
W- “Do you think the world is going to end?”
ME – “Nope, I think the mayans ran out of ink and couldn’t continue making calendars”
W- “be serious, what do you think is going to happen when the world ends?”
ME – “What do you mean by end of the world? ALA roland emmerich, earth shifts and we die a Lavary death? “
W - “No I don’t mean that, I mean.. like end of the world stuff”
ME – “ I don’t get it, isn’t that the end of the world, KAbLOOM! DEAD!, . or do you mean Zombie Acolypse?”
W – “don’t be ridiculous, What if December rolls around and then the world ends?”
ME – “ rightly confused because I don’t know what the world ending means, I guess nobody does.. , its not Zombie thing, that would be cool!, its not world exploding into oblivion.. then what is it, I reckon it could just be the world ending as we know it, a new age begins, dawn of a new ERA, or the much delayed Y2K bug could finally strikes and crashes everyones home computer and IPOD IPAD IROBOT.”
W – “I agree, a zombie apocalypse could be cool”
ME – “ SO now the question is , not what will happen, but do you believe the world will actually end, come that date?”
W - “maybe a little”
ME – “so the whore crux of this little convo isn’t what do I think is gonna happen, but do I think something is going to happen… yes something is going to happen, a Giant Alien Space ship named POOKIE is going to come and attack us while secretly launching a Zombie Apolocypse and then the Large Hydron collider is gonna rip apart a photon and create an unstable wormhole that’s going to rip us into another dimension where we all become characters from our worst nightmares and then we’ll be in a show called Terra Nova”
W - “shutup”
And were back….
* Troy and abed in the mooorrnnniiinngngg!......
I haven’t posted in a while simply because the events of my wedding and the events at my work kept me too busy to sit here and update this. Also not having internet access at home hasn’t helped. And there is no way im gonna come into the office just to update my blog with a + -7 people readership view.
So lets jump into it the events of the last few months., As of a 4 weeks ago, I am a married man, I use the term man very loosely because It’s not as if anything has fundamentally changed in terms of my relationship, my mentality stills feel like a teenager just with a little more common sense and less angsty.
Ok, so the wedding details.
I have no idea what’s customary in your neck of the woods, but here, Cape Town SA. Its customary to have the following:
1.Church , decked with flowers
2.Elobrate Car
3.Pretty bridesmaids in awful colors
4.Crazy shoes for the bride
5.Breath Taking venue for the reception (at night, which results in everyone getting sloshed )
6.all your front teeth in for the day.
I wore a plain black suit with black shirt and red tie, and the grooms men wore plain black suits, summer in December here is hot and wearing cumberbands and neck tie nonsense with ruffles and crap just wasn’t going to happen. The wedding was held at my wife’s local congregational church at 4pm followed directly with a reception at the gorgeous suikerbossie (say-ker-bos-sy) restaurant and function venue.
The bride, my wife had the most amazing dress , bought a few years ago I did not see it until the day she walked into the church… (see the pics).. words fail to describe the awesomeness of that dress.
So yip, church ceremony went off without an hitch. Nobody objected , nobody made a dramatic entrance other than the bride.
The car was a 64 ford galaxy, as any fine car collector should know , cars from that era are massive!, you could fit a few dead men in the trunk and still cruise along comfortable (if you ignore the smell from said dead men). We drove in the capable hands of Mr Burton ,car collector and part time historian, very cool and calm and chilled. Got to the venue which was decked out in the plain black, before you go.. wtf is up with all that black, let me explain, every single wedding ive been to was white and some strange color ive never heard of, white and cerise pink , white and maroon, white and snot green.. we went with white and black, classic timeless sophisticated brilliance. We had help from the most amazing floral technician in the business ‘’flowersbyarlene” google her. Who did the most amazing work with the centre pieces , red and white roses with a little umbrella thingy.. awesome.
So the bride was in white, all the chairs and tables were black, Red centre pieces at a dreamy venue. The Wedding as far as I could tell went off without a hitch, the food at the venue was brilliant, sliced roast hip beef with veggies and angle dust..O_O it was that good.
We sang, we danced, we ate, we sang we danced some more
And in reviving a tradition I haven’t seen in a long time, we asked the guests to make the arch leading us out…which they did….
On the mercurial and serendipitous side of things my wife shared her wedding day with her best girl friend from her high school days, which too my knowledge wasn’t planned at all =\=/ =\ hmmm,.....
I was told not to tell anyone too much about the honeymoon and wedding night.. So all I can say, it was wonderfully romantic and special. (check out the pics)
So yip, its been 4 weeks as a married “man”, things are great , everyone is happy, life is good.
To anyone reading this.
Merry Christmas and a happy new year.
*love that show
Yes yes, 2 in a week, it’s a fricken miracle..
This morning’s drive prompted a discussion based solely on the vagrants. Otherwise known as “bergies” ( bear-gh-ees). FW (future wife) and I drive through the lower end of kingdom of Claremont. This area can best be described as “up-market suburban hell”, every mom has a Mini-Van , even though they only have 1 child, every dad reads the paper and refers to technological devices as “That Damn Thingy Majig”, Lollipop trees exist everywhere!, a Hedge lower than you knees is “utterly disgracefull”. Maids and Butlers exist to put the dirt out and wash cars and feed that 1 child in the mini-van.
In this hellish place, you see the scavengers, the dregs, these filthy smelly awful human-thingies they scratch in the bins and make themselves a bother and a nuisance!..right?
The one guy/ lady person thing just nodded at me , as if to say good morning.. that’s nice… These people in the houses never do that.. .. oh well
The discussion started whereby FW asked .
What would it take for some of these suburbian kings and queens to end up being a homeless,genderless dreg?
I argued that some people do go about choosing that life. No pressure from society, no responsibilities to anyone else. You don’t feel the pressure to do anything you don’t want too.
FW -stated that some people didn’t have a choice, they didn’t have a support system to help them when they lost their jobs, and then houses and then cars/ minivans..
We continued to talk about this for the duration of the drive and one thing became clear, you and I as individuals , dont really know what it’ll take to get to that level of ...”degeneration” .?(for lack of a better word), Its simply a position we cant begin to imagine being in, you can try though, at the end of your day you go home to a couch, a fridge a television.. these people they go home to wherever home is on that particular day… you open a tap for water… they have no tap.. it’s seems to me to be a very hard life to live..
But..
These people are always willing to talk, when your car is stuck they come and offer assistance, they protect you if they know you well enough, they around and helpful and some of them don’t ask for anything in return (some)
Often if they not inebriated they are very respectfull, calling you Sir, Madam, Mamma, Pa , terms of respect even endearment..
Picture your drive to work this morning, there was a douche in an audi or a bmw, bluetooth headset on, he cut you off, flipped you the finger, hooted at you for no reason.. that’s a suburban king. Do you think anyone of these surbabian kings / queens is going to stop and help you out?,… I doubt it.. they too busy protecting their couches, fridges,televisions from the dregs the non-people the inhuman
Been slacking lately.. so no real blog updates.. ok here goes..
Mommy and Daddy are off at the *funny farm, I believe they are spending their energies performing late night cow tipping and taking leisurely ostrich rides across the veld.
(*funny farm being the family farm in the hoorn of the Oudst, which is a backwater town that still believe in hand pumping their water and ending every sentence with ‘y’aaaal’ or some such equivalent)
In any case, that has left me and the future-wife (FW) to fend for ourselves in the harsh cold world of….oh wait, its not 2012 yet.. ..er.. of shopping and trolley pushing! And its not that hard at all actually. Its actually quite simple, get home, make food, eat food, clean dishes,get clean,go sleep. Repeat for 5 days until weekend in which case the weekend is:
Do washing, go out,get food,come home,make food, eat some more,go gym,do random house task like washing,watch movies, get clean, go sleep.. or something like that. Which is quite simple if you can learn to deal with the monotony of it all.
Cleaning the house isn’t a huge undertaking and only takes about an hour. Still no big deal.. so currently, its been about a week and so far there hasn’t been any “fending” or groveling or debasing of my human condition…. I think my loony tune parents (ala , engelbert hupidink remix fet Eminem and snoop) has been lying… oh well no surprise there.
“don’t do that, you gonna get hurt!” – I didn’t
“don’t eat that its gonna stay in your stomach forever and grow another head in your belly!” - it didn’t
“don’t touch that its gonna bite!” – it didn’t
“don’t eat that thing you touched its gonna grow……etc..etc” - I did, and it didn’t.
So therefore I deduced the following:
Daytime monotony experienced by your parents results in mind numbing boredom.
Daytime Soapies provide entertainment but affect the aforementioned brain numb parent.
Daytime parent now seeks more excitement/drama/intrigue
Daytime parent becomes a slave to the cravings of the soap opera even if the soap opera isn’t on the tele
Daytime parent is now a zombie and starts creating drama/intrigue/excitement!
SUDDENLY!
The mop is no longer the mop, Mr Mop is now having an affair with Mrs Broom while Mr Pitchfork is out working the fields!
Young adolescent dustpan is searching for his lost parents , he is adopted by my Mr and Mrs Mop..
THEN
Daytime parent cannot contain the drama /intrigue / excitement anymore and seeks to employ even more of it!
SO!
They lie to you to watch you squirm…..
My boss decided to test my knowledge.. can you name all of them?